I was relaxing at home yesterday eating some brownies and watching Fast Times At Ridgemont High. It was a typical Tuesday morning. I was laughing hysterically, enjoying the movie when I heard a voice. ‘Dan, you’re a highly trained, very good looking, Forensic Hair Scientist. The world needs you…’’
So I finished my milk and brownies. I pushed pause. What was that voice trying to tell me?
I got up and walked around. Nothing. Then I walked outside. I took in a casual pee and some sunlight. I waved to my neighbor and decided the flowers needed some watering. I was getting off track. I headed back in. There it was! On my TV, as clear as day. The beautiful hair of A-List celebrity, Mr. Sean Penn.
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. My palms started to sweat. Brownie crumbs trickled down my shirt.
I immediately drove to my office making only one quick stop for a Slurpee and some Sour Patch Kids. I was all business.
Hours later I woke up at my desk in a puddle of drool. But on my computer screen was a clue. This article says Sean Penn had a hair transplant. But when? Where? Why? Dear God, why?
It was all a mystery. And I love follicular funundrums (see how I turned conundrum into funundrum?). My mind was racing. And then it stopped. I had nothing other than some pictures of a hairline that seems to magically move up and down. And then it hit me.
Dear Sean Penn,
Your hair, like your acting, is magical. Both, like a good bottle of wine, seem to get better with age. My knowledge of hair loss, like your acting, is matched by none.
However, I’ve hit a roadblock. I know there are some reports that you’ve had a transplant and I get that. But if I was being totally honest, it doesn’t look like a transplant to my trained eye. You see, after a transplant it takes a few years for the transplanted hair to soften and match the other hair. For that reason most people keep their hair short after a transplant. Even after it softens, it usually doesn’t lay back quite so naturally as yours does. And let me say, you’ve got some amazing density in your hairline.
I suppose it’s possible you had a bald spot at the top of your head that you were able to cover up with a standard reverse comb-over followed by a Beverly Hills hair transplant (Canada has some good transplant surgeons as well, right Sean?).
But your hairline intrigues me. If you look closely at these pictures, it looks like your hairline moves up and down. For an expert like myself, this is a standard indicator of a hair system (a wig for the layman).
How does a hair system work? This video will show you.
I will admit, I’ve bought a hair system before. However, I was young and in no position to pay for the upkeep. Thinking that I could do it myself was a mistake. It actually looked pretty good. But I couldn’t wear it.
It was too drastic a change and I kept getting glue on my hands and in the wig. I bought my system through Toplace. There is a thin lace netting on the bottom of the system that holds everything together. You can choose the density you’d like and they typically make the front thinner than the back. This is pretty standard with a good system. Overall this is a good option and Hollywood is well aware of it. Look at John Travolta.
There are two ways to tell if someone is wearing a system.
- Occasionally, you’re able to see a glimpse of the netting at the hairline under bright light.
- The hairline moves up and down. This is from taking it off and putting it back on either lower or higher.
Sean Penn, we may never know what, if anything, is going on with your hair. I will say that you’re a fine actor and have dated some very beautiful women. I bet you’ve got some great stories. If only the lace could talk.