Gordon Ramsey, I am a fan of your shows. From Kitchen Nightmares to Hell’s Kitchen. You tell it how it is. I love it when you yell at people and tell them how dirty their restaurants are or how disgusting their food looks, smells and tastes. I used to go to this filthy Taco Truck but no more. Not after seeing Kitchen Nightmares. Sorry, Felipe. Your tacos are delicious but you are one filthy dude.
Mr. Ramsey, your berating insults sound especially awesome with your proper British accent. It’s how I imagine Marry Poppins would sound scolding the children for not singing in tune after she’s done a few lines of cocaine.
I mention this far too much, but I wouldn’t want you to think my commentary was uneducated drivel – I am a bit of an expert on hair loss. You see, I’ve had a variety of comb-overs in my life. Mostly, because my hair loss affected the front of my head. And I was blessed, like you, with a cowlick right in the middle of my fading hairline.
Gordon, I’m only writing this article because I want to congratulate you on one of the finest cowlick comb-overs ever to be created. Instead of showing off some slightly recessed temples and forcing your cowlick one way or the other, you took the rest of your hair and made it look like one big cowlick. Your entire head matches the cowlick up front, covering up the recessed temples! And, this all-over-cowlick hairstyle makes you look like a mad scientist. Who’s going to talk back to someone with hair like that! Brilliant mate! Simply brilliant.
I don’t think you’ve had anything done. Although there is nothing wrong if you did. I did hear rumors of you coming out of a hair clinic in Beverly Hills with a swollen face. No biggie. After my transplant, I flew home on an airplane with a swollen face, black eyes and dried blood on the sides and back of my head. And that is not a lie.
I’m pretty sure everyone thought I was a professional UFC fighter. I’ve got really big calves and wore shorts to encourage the UFC fighter illusion. I also wore a big gold belt around my waist like I had just won the title. I was pretty hyped up on the painkillers my doctor gave me so it all seemed very plausible at the time. In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have put my Championship Belt in the overhead when I sat down. The person to my left kept looking at the dried blood and my swollen face and I’m pretty sure she knew I’d had some work done and hadn’t won the UFC title. I should have kept the belt on for the plane ride. Live and learn.
Well Gordon Ramsey, that is all I wanted to share on this post. Oh, here’s a thought. If you ever come out of a hair clinic again, dress like Batman. And spend some money on a very lifelike costume. Then, instead of walking out and putting yourself at the mercy of the paparazzi, you shoot a batarang directly into your limo (or into the real Batmobile if you’re able to borrow it). You fly out the doors of the clinic on the zipline attached to the batarang and leave everyone wondering if Batman just got a hair transplant. Make sure to have an old guy sitting in the driver seat. Be sure to say, in a loud voice…
“Off to the batcave Alfred! What? Your face would be swollen too if you were fighting criminals all day.”