Carson Daly. That is such a perfect name for TV. If I was going to pick a TV name it would probably something like Johnathon Lightyear. But Carson Daly would definitely be on my list.
Clearly it was your destiny to be on TV. It was your fate to steal the show.
Speaking of stealing. For a while it looked like God stole your luscious locks. But God doesn’t hold a grudge. Your hair is, once again, as thick as the hair of a pre-pubescent Jonathon Lightyear. Carson, you’ve been forgiven for your sins! Your hair has risen.
I’m just joking about the God stuff. You and I both know that’s not how hair really works. I’m going to get serious and lay some pretty techincal stuff on you so please pay attention.
You didn’t have any work done. This means that you didn’t have a hair transplant. You didn’t get a hair system (hair piece, wig, a Travolta, whatever you want to call it). You didn’t pull a Matthew McConaughey and Regenix it. You didn’t quit masturbating (or did you?).
You did lose some weight and shave your head. Why? I’m not totally sure. Shaving of the head can be an indicator of a hair transplant. Celebrities, like you, don’t just willy nilly up and shave their head. But losing weight can also temporary hair loss. Hyperthyroidism can cause hair loss and weight loss. Hmmm..the plot thickens.
Are you still with me Carson? Now is where it gets very complex. Most people will not be able to follow this. The shaving of the head does make me pause and think hair transplant. But I prefer to think you had an over-active thyroid, lost some weight, became depressed because you noticed your hair was thinning, then shaved your head a la Britney Spears, got your thyroid fixed, started nightly applications of Propecia and minoxidil, saw hair regrowth, got back on TV, made love to some hot ladies, and all was right with the world.
How do I know it was your thyroid? Well, sir, the answer is in your freakishly scary eyes. They are bulging like my pants when I see a celebrity that magically grows thicker hair. You see, Carson, part of my training to become a Forensic Hair Scientist includes a year of studying anatomy and physiology. The thryoid is an interesting organ (there are actually two of them). And when it becomes overactive, everything is sent into hyper-drive. One of the common signs, bugling eyes!
Good day, sir.